Humor Loving Couple Pillows

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

His and Hers Wedding

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'There, there, dear -- they're all alike.'

'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

"Sorry. No refunds."

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"I want to make it with you."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"Get with the program, Barry, the certificate clearly said, 'till death do we part'."

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"I deliberately married an archaeologist because I thought the older I got, the more interest you would show in me..."

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."