Couples With Humor Pillows

"Goodnight, dear. Goodnight, Scooter. Goodnight, erection."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Skeleton playing fetch.

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

His and Hers Wedding

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"I deliberately married an archaeologist because I thought the older I got, the more interest you would show in me..."

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"Get with the program, Barry, the certificate clearly said, 'till death do we part'."

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'