Couples With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"So, the rumors are true. He is faster than a speeding bullet."

"Why must you always pre-empt my nightmares?"

'I offered to help with your tie, but oh no, you had to do it yourself...'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Skeleton playing fetch.

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

His and Hers Wedding

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"Get with the program, Barry, the certificate clearly said, 'till death do we part'."

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

"I deliberately married an archaeologist because I thought the older I got, the more interest you would show in me..."

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'