Couple With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"Sorry. No refunds."

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"You'd better switch off your personal alarm I don't want to to disturb your parents."

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

'The man at the beer store said this ale is made without any harmful chemicals, so I added some myself.'

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'

'That's in case there's any backsliding.'

'You're the most self-absorbed egomaniac it's ever been my misfortune to know.' 'I'm beginning to think we're on different wavelengths.'

'You've got to be brave now... I'm not going to leave you in 2009!'

'I offered to help with your tie, but oh no, you had to do it yourself...'

"So, the rumors are true. He is faster than a speeding bullet."

"Hey kids! - look what I found at the local animal shelter!"

"Why must you always pre-empt my nightmares?"

"I almost lost my husband...but just my luck he found me!"

"Goodnight, dear. Goodnight, Scooter. Goodnight, erection."

Asleep on an airplane

'Hello dear, what are you doing home on halloween? Shouldn't you be out on your broomstick?'