Couples With Humor Gifts

"Goodnight, dear. Goodnight, Scooter. Goodnight, erection."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Skeleton playing fetch.

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

His and Hers Wedding

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

"Get with the program, Barry, the certificate clearly said, 'till death do we part'."

"I deliberately married an archaeologist because I thought the older I got, the more interest you would show in me..."

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."