Humorous Couple Gifts

'That's in case there's any backsliding.'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'You've got to be brave now... I'm not going to leave you in 2009!'

'You can't take things personally --- it's only marriage.'

"She's in a borrowed dress and I'm in a rented tux...throw money!"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"Can you hold a moment? I've asked you before not to donate my organs till after I'm dead."

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"Sorry. No refunds."

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"I want to make it with you."

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"