Couples Humor Gifts

Moustache lotion

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

His and Hers Wedding

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"Let's take in a trial."

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."