Married Couple Humor Gifts

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

His and Hers Wedding

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"Let's take in a trial."

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"I don't like this hot dish."

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"Where has the magic gone, George?"

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'