Married Couple Humor Pillows

"It's just till the vasectomy heals."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

His and Hers Wedding

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"Let's take in a trial."

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

'I wish to lose all excess weight.'

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

"Where has the magic gone, George?"

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"