Married Life Humor Enthusiast Pillows

Dough Roller

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"No heroic measures."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"I figured you'd end up looking like that."

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."