Married Life Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Dough Roller

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"No heroic measures."

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I figured you'd end up looking like that."

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

Amanda Kern. Comics counseling. Well, first of all, he can't find anything, ever. I have to find the man's socks, his toothbrush

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."