Marital Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out this way."

'I hold my husband responsible-he ducked!'

"Of course I'm sensitive to your needs...tell me what you need and I'll be sensitive to it!"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'I've got to be honest with you, Henry...there's another bureaucrat.'

Marjorie could read her husband like a book.

'My husband and I believe in reincarnation. Each of us hopes the other comes back as somebody else.'

'The trial marriage was going okay, until a surprise witness showed up.'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

'Hugh, you know leaving the toilet seat up violates our prenuptial agreement.'

'Half the time we get on fine - the other half, he's here'

'Do you, Earl, and your mother take thee, Betty, and her shortcomings?'

George's wife went to great lengths to prevent him eating his underpants

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'The trouble with marriage is the unintended consequences.'

'Herbert's divorcing me. I just hope he doesn't make too much of a fuss when I tell him.'

'My wife and I have single beds, mine in London and hers in Lincoln.'

'Quick! My husband's just fallen overboard. Throw him that anvil, as a floatation device.'

'It's only 8 months in minimum security. Much like your first marriage.'

"Do you have anything that allows me to give my husband a kick up the backside and blame it on the side effects?"

"... Anyway, as I was saying before we hit that iceberg..."

"We celebrated out anniversary with a twenty minute lull in the fighting."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"'Till death do you part?"

"Well, excuse ME if I still don't understand what makes my self-delusions pathetically juvenile and yours so noble!"

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

"'Get better soon'. But I'm not ill."

"It's not so much that she wears the pants in our relationship that bothers me. But, she wears my pants!"

"Hi, honey, I'm home, but I guess you already know that."

'Behind every successful man there's a woman, telling him he isn't successful enough.'

"I'm not in one of my moods. I'm in one of your moods."

"No heroic measures."

"At our wedding ceremony, you made certain false statements."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"It says here in this magazine you’re an idiot."