Marriage Humor Aficionado Gifts

Dog to person whose legs are sticking out of doghouse: 'Which important date did you forget this time, Jeff?'

"It's not you, Debbie, .... I just need some cyberspace."

"I'm sorry, Frank. I'm experiencing buyer's remorse."

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'I'm sick of catching you on the computer looking at naked girls. Especially when they're pictures of me - your wife.'

'We've been thru a lot together.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'I'm not that late - I've been standing outside for two hours trying to guess what mood you were in.'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"I tried claiming child benefit, but they wouldn't give it to me because he's my husband."

"I certainly go out every night. What did you expect when you married an owl?"

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"Today's my anniversary. I've been thinking of surprising Frank by wearing a push up bra."

"At least my husband died doing what I love."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

His and Hers Wedding

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'