Marriage Humor Aficionados Gifts

The Cat's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Mice attached

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Try Mediation

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

His and Hers Wedding

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"Let's take in a trial."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

"You call that worrying?"