Marriage Humor Gifts

"You only hear the things you want to hear."

'First I put some odds and ends in storage, then some furniture, and finally, Edgar.'

'No...I said I'd lost my 'purpose'!'

'He's been poaching for forty years and she couldn't take it any more.'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'The recipe said 'stand for five minutes'.'

"I overpowered and married him."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'I do what the voices in my wife's head tell me to do.'

'Celery?! Why you kinky devil!'

Husband and wife shooting

"Let's take in a trial."

"Do you know how distracting it is when you spin the chamber on that revolver?"

'The House Of Mystery'

"If that's my matching sock, I'm not here."

'It's his idea of a joke'

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'Sorry, dear, did you say something?'

'Oh for crying out loud, so there's a spider in the bathtub!!'

'Have you found my husband's temper yet?'

The seven year itch. 'Relax, it's only fleas.'

'I bet your Sunday mornings are different now you're married,eh Sam?'

"This silent treatment is getting worse. She's gone from just texts to emojis only."

"I don't know why they make these stupid steering wheels so small."

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

'I'm worried about Reggie's health...he's still as fit as a flea.'

'Mother was right! All you'll ever be good for is chewing furniture!!'

"If we go vegan, can we eat pollen, but not nectar or vice versa or both or neither?"

'No wonder this mobile doesn't work!'

'My sister married some bum of a copy machine — he only works now and then!'

'If the children can grow up and leave home, why can't you?'

'Don't panic, Miss, it's for gifts. No one's going to do a background check.'

'The trouble with marriage is that you can't change channels.'

"It's appendicitis, madam. No need, at this point, to pull the plug."