Marriage Humor Lover Gifts

Google Translate for Marriagese

'This is a great place to work...They give you a day off every time you get married!'

'My wife drives me to drink' 'You're lucky! My wife makes me walk!'.

Lateral thinking...thought bubble bypassing wife's head.

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

"My killer asteroid was Betty, wife number three."

"I think he only got married so he doesn't have to hold his belly in any more."

"Switch places if you want to hold hands. I need this one for the remote."

"You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!"

'I have very expensive taste - except when it comes to men.'

'I used four tubes of ultra-super-glue on the seat. Now let's see you leave it up.'

'...I'm marrying her mother...'

'I wish you wouldn't refer to me as your running mate!'

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

"Nag, Nag, Nag!"

'Hmm, this wine is a lot like my wife; well aged but still bitter.'

'Nothing here, thanks. We're just husband bashing!'

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.

"Ah, honey?" "Yes, sweetheart?" "You've left it in the drawer again."

"I got this ill-tempered toothless old chihuahua for my husband." "Sounds like a fair trade."

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"

"Come to bed. There will be plenty of time in the morning to figure out how something like this could have happened."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

His and Hers Wedding

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.