Marital Comedy Lover Gifts

"Listen Mildred, no more Mr. Nice Guy - you've used up your quota of 'Yes dears' for the day!"

"What is the meaning of this?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

His and Hers Wedding

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"No heroic measures."

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"What makes you think I doubt your abilities?"

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

Google Translate for Marriagese

"'Till death do you part?"

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

"Not only, she drives me crazy - she found me a car pool!"