Marital Comedy Lover Gifts

"Listen Mildred, no more Mr. Nice Guy - you've used up your quota of 'Yes dears' for the day!"

"What is the meaning of this?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

His and Hers Wedding

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"What makes you think I doubt your abilities?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"No heroic measures."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

Amanda Kern. Comics counseling. Well, first of all, he can't find anything, ever. I have to find the man's socks, his toothbrush

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

Google Translate for Marriagese

"Not only, she drives me crazy - she found me a car pool!"

"'Till death do you part?"

"Look, I've already told you. There's not enough room in the saucer to abduct your wife."