Marriage Comedy Lovers Gifts

"But, Denise, if we stay married six more weeks, we can go into syndication!"

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

Tongue in the ear...

'No, but thanks for asking.'

His and Hers Wedding

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

"You might want to get that fly off your face."

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"Let's touch base again at three."

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

"No darling, there's nothing magical in the air, I just farted"

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'...and he hogs the sunny spot!'

Google Translate for Marriagese

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"

Married people live longer

'Mind if we turn this off? I freckle easily.'

"Not only, she drives me crazy - she found me a car pool!"

"I deliberately married an archaeologist because I thought the older I got, the more interest you would show in me..."

"Get with the program, Barry, the certificate clearly said, 'till death do we part'."

"Look, I've already told you. There's not enough room in the saucer to abduct your wife."

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

'For those who the internet hath brought together, let no man put asunder...'

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'