Marriage Comedians Gifts

'As usual...you get the glory and I get the dirty job.'

'I do what the voices in my wife's head tell me to do.'

'Well, I think I've finally gotten a handle on Jim!'

'It's not my fault you forgot to pay the electricity bill! You'll just have to settle for beans on toast...'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

"You call that worrying?"

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

'Cool, a wheel. Now you can take me shopping.'

"Can I call you back? We're having our favorite argument."

'That one was taken on our wedding day, when he was young, handsome and in love. That other one was taken when he was older, more mature and a pain in the neck.'