Marriage Comedic Analyst Gifts

Uff Da! Oscar and Ingrid were happily married for only a short time...

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

"You call that worrying?"

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

Sorry, I'm already spoken for.

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."