Marriage Comedic Analyst Pillows

Uff Da! Oscar and Ingrid were happily married for only a short time...

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Try Mediation

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

'No, but thanks for asking.'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"You might want to save that for your blog."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

"You call that worrying?"

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

'I told you he had a temper.'

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."