Lover Of Marital Humor Gifts

'Well? What have you got to say for yourself?'

"I clipped his wings, but they grew back."

'This is ridiculous! I say we get back on speaking terms!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

His and Hers Wedding

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"No heroic measures."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"Now remember - ten paces, turn and fire..."

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"