Satirical Couple Pillows

Uff Da! Oscar and Ingrid were happily married for only a short time...

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

Stand-up Romcom

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

The finer points of marriage.

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"I never thought I'd get married again."

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

"It's been over for a while now. I caught him trying to fertilize some catfish eggs in June."

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

"I want to make it with you."

Roach Motel