Comical Couple Pillows

'I see the glass as half-full. Whereas he sees the glass and blames me for the naked man hiding in the closet.'

Couple in front of computer. Screen reads 'Internet shopping with husband'. Husband is huffing, puffing and sighing.

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

Man coming home to a spider

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

"I want to make it with you."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"One more word from you and I am leaving home."

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"