Comical Couple Pillows

'I see the glass as half-full. Whereas he sees the glass and blames me for the naked man hiding in the closet.'

Couple in front of computer. Screen reads 'Internet shopping with husband'. Husband is huffing, puffing and sighing.

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

Man coming home to a spider

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

"I want to make it with you."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"One more word from you and I am leaving home."

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'