Comedic Couple Antics Pillows

Drunk Husband

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"One more word from you and I am leaving home."

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"I want to make it with you."

"Sorry. No refunds."

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'