Comedic Couple Antics Pillows

Drunk Husband

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"One more word from you and I am leaving home."

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"Sorry. No refunds."

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"I want to make it with you."

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"

"You used the right amount of detergent and fabric softener. The problem is this washing machine isn't for dishes."