Funny Couples Pillows

'... Same old excuse; 'Not tonight dear, I have a splitting headache.' Isn't it strange how I never get a headache?!'

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"Can you hold a moment? I've asked you before not to donate my organs till after I'm dead."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"I want to make it with you."

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

"You used the right amount of detergent and fabric softener. The problem is this washing machine isn't for dishes."

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"