Comical Couples Pillows

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

Man at 'Returns' window: 'It's probably better if my wife told you what I think...'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"OK - I'll say it again - I love you even more than my p******* hour."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"I want to make it with you."

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

'For those who the internet hath brought together, let no man put asunder...'

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

"I can write my name in the snow. I bet you can't do that."

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"