Comic Couple Pillows

"Why do women close their eyes during sex?"

Stand-up Romcom

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'Act your shoe size, not your age.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

'We're doing so well together: What do you think of me becoming monogamous?'

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"I want to make it with you."

"We just don't seem to make time for one another these days."

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'