Comical Couple Adventures Pillows

"You used the right amount of detergent and fabric softener. The problem is this washing machine isn't for dishes."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

Husband and wife come out of Tunnel of Love, and man is fishing

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

"I want to make it with you."

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'

'I see the glass as half-full. Whereas he sees the glass and blames me for the naked man hiding in the closet.'

'That's in case there's any backsliding.'

Couple in front of computer. Screen reads 'Internet shopping with husband'. Husband is huffing, puffing and sighing.

Husband check

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

Tantrum sex.