Funny Husband Moments Pillows

'Golf is Life (his).'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"Two boys from legal to see you."

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

"So that's where you were last night."

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"This does not make us friends."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

'Are you sure you didn't swallow your cell phone? I keep getting a dial tone.'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

"Next time your virtual fish dies, please don't try flushing your computer down the toilet."

"How did my mom know I went to get ice cream after school? She's either placed a tracking device on me, or she's tracking my phone."

'Let's hit the road, son! We are Baby Bjorn to be wild!'

'Your wife came by and left a message'

Even before we began to order in, my dad was always keen to skip the dishes!

"Look. He's just created his first text output object."

'I hope you don't mind carpooling.'

Man putting his brain in glass before bed.

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

'My wife's an optician'

'Do you know how hard Daddy had to work to get all those dinosaur brains?'

'These are the last of the pull-ups, so no on have a taxi-dent, OK?'

Working from home

"Papi! Baldo broke my favorite pencil!"

"Listen, kid...I'm doing you a favor... Don't call here again for at least another 10 years."

"No, son, a tax shelter is not where you go to rescue an accountant."