Funny Dad Moments Pillows

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'I was school champion at keepy uppy. I bet I can still keep this ball off the ground for hours.'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

Camel rider sees sign stating: The Next Mirage 16 miles.

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

How witness protection really works...

"It's a dependent!"

'Daddy yells, 'I GOT IT I GOT IT' You should have seen how high the ball bounced off Daddy's head'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

"Have you seen my wife?"

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

They Removed my Brain.

Child on a schedule.

'Golf is Life (his).'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

"Oh no, the lectern and microphone. I get the feeling I'm getting another one of your boring life lectures."

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

'How are the quadruplets?'

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.

"No. I can't tell if it's a...Mug or tie. Either way, happy Father's Day."

Breasts for the men

"It's too hot to strive for autonomy."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Hey, I like your new friend: He laughs at my dad-jokes..."

"Here's 15 cents. I assume you'll go into debt one day putting me through college, so this will take some of the guilt off my conscience."