Funny Dads Pillows

'Punish us if you must, Dad, but who will you get to tie your shoe laces for you?'

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'Are we there yet?'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

How witness protection really works...

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"It was a difficult delivery."

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

They Removed my Brain.

'Can you do the dishes, love. I'll do the school run.'

'He was a great player...he gained 'many cap's' for his Country !'

Add your kids' ages together...

"When I said you could use other materials with the sand, I was thinking shells and driftwood."

'My husband wants to know if the sonogram can tell if the baby is a Red Sox or Yankees fan.'

Gas Mask.

Oh, Wow! With all this baby food flying around, I can't wait until he starts eating steak!!!

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.

"From now on, just pillage."

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

'Let's hit the road, son! We are Baby Bjorn to be wild!'

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

'I'm banking on celebrating Father's Day this year!'

"It's a Buoy!"

"Any chance I could put myself up for adoption?"

'It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl as long as it'll make enough money for a good retirement home for us!'

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

'Look, I think she recognised you!'

"Me? blurring the boundaries between work and home? Go to your room at once!"

'Want to watch the Father-Son talk greatest hits?'

'Make it easy on yourself, Dad- Just lend me your ATM card.'

"Sorry I'm late, dad! Which number?"