Funny Fathers Pillows

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

'Are we there yet?'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

How witness protection really works...

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

'Dad, how come we never see and of them in flight?'

The inventor of the Slip 'n Slide becomes a father.

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

"When I said you could use other materials with the sand, I was thinking shells and driftwood."

Add your kids' ages together...

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

'Can you do the dishes, love. I'll do the school run.'

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

'My husband wants to know if the sonogram can tell if the baby is a Red Sox or Yankees fan.'

Little known fact #244: Cholera was not the #1 cause of death for children on the Oregon Trail

Oh, Wow! With all this baby food flying around, I can't wait until he starts eating steak!!!

'Let's hit the road, son! We are Baby Bjorn to be wild!'

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'I'm banking on celebrating Father's Day this year!'

'It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl as long as it'll make enough money for a good retirement home for us!'

'Look, he's taking his first steps.'

'Enough, George... I let you get the stupid pool. I'm not going to cut your dinner into little pieces and dump it in.'

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

'Nothing but veggies...we gotta learn to read.'

Men Parenting