Funny Parents Pillows

'My husband wants to know if the sonogram can tell if the baby is a Red Sox or Yankees fan.'

'Are we there yet?'

Oh, Wow! With all this baby food flying around, I can't wait until he starts eating steak!!!

'So you're Susan's boyfriend - you're not a bit as I'd imagined you!'

Travelling with child

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

'Tell me what we're getting away from again?'

'Can you do the dishes, love. I'll do the school run.'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

How witness protection really works...

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

The inventor of the Slip 'n Slide becomes a father.

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

'Monster mobiles.'

Baby eating "Uploading", Baby on toilet "Downloading"

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

"When I said you could use other materials with the sand, I was thinking shells and driftwood."

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

'Of course I respect him more than you - He's house trained!'

I'm going to have a baby girl soon. What's a good name for a baby girl, Randy? Wait … you're going to have a what? Tell me you didn't just say what I think you said, little buddy. I'm going to have a baby girl. Met a lady, we fell in love, got married, and now we're going to have a baby girl. Wait ... you're talking about some video game, aren't you? I'm thinking of naming her SIMantha, but that might bee too obvious.

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'