Funny Parent Pillows

'Dad, no playing off in front of the markers.'

"When I said you could use other materials with the sand, I was thinking shells and driftwood."

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'Are we there yet?'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

"Where's your nose?"

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

How witness protection really works...

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

"I'll explain later."

'Can you do the dishes, love. I'll do the school run.'

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

Boho Bribes

Oh, Wow! With all this baby food flying around, I can't wait until he starts eating steak!!!