Punny Parent Pillows

"I like your new glasses, Dad!"

Short-Term Memory Foam Loss

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

He won't sit, but he heels well.

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'Are we there yet?'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

"Can you believe he was the last dog at the shelter?"

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

"Where's your nose?"

Children should be seen and not a herd.

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"He has extremely advanced motor skills."

The Most Interesting Dog in the World. . .

Lucky has an 'out-of-potty' experience.

'I'm worried: He doesn't have buckteeth...'

Planting vegetables - "BEAN there done that."

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'