Punny Parent Pillows

"I like your new glasses, Dad!"

Short-Term Memory Foam Loss

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'Are we there yet?'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

"Can you believe he was the last dog at the shelter?"

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

"Where's your nose?"

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"He has extremely advanced motor skills."

'I'm worried: He doesn't have buckteeth...'

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

Planting vegetables - "BEAN there done that."

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

"I don't get it, Susan... I've been an obstetrician for 20 years and I've never had a baby named after me!"

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

"I'll explain later."