Parenting Punster Pillows

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

"Yes, that's correct Mr. Brown. Your son was punished for something he didn't do... His homework."

'I don't like the look of this fish.' 'It had ugly parents.'

"No supper for him, Sonia. When little boys petrol bomb the neighbours car they must be punished.

Baby fish.

"Don't look now, but here comes the bungee umbilical cord again."

A maternity ward throughout the year and at Christmas.

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Dogs life

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

'Its a dogwood tree. I can tell by its bark.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

"He has extremely advanced motor skills."

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

"Can you give me some sort of metaphor for how you're feeling?"

'Daddy! Are you using the number forty clipper?'

"I don't get it, Susan... I've been an obstetrician for 20 years and I've never had a baby named after me!"

Hamlet.

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

'I think therefore I ham.'