Parenting Prankster Pillows

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'

Yes, we have a 'Happy Meal'. It's when you leave the kids home.

'I know they do that in church, Sweetie, but Daddy isn't a statue.'

'Mind giving him his bath now- he'll be asleep when we get home!'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

"These are payments for babysitters, but it's more exciting to pretend I'm a drug dealer."

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'Do you have to go to your room too, dad?'

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

"No! I am your father!" "Noooooo!"

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

It is always something whenever Grandmother watches little Louis.

Darling, you should have asked me to put sun tan lotion on your back and not the kids!

'Okay...now watch what happens when I extend my claws.'

"I don't get it, Susan... I've been an obstetrician for 20 years and I've never had a baby named after me!"

'I'm not looking for treasure. I'm trying to find where I buried Dad.'

'You did that on purpose!'

"We should get a lot of money from the tooth fairy. I set out grandpa's false teeth!"

'Daddy! Are you using the number forty clipper?'

'Last year my kids put a sign on my back, but tomorrow, on April Fools Day, I'll be ready, they won't get me again.'

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

'If you find any loose ones, I have dibs on them for the tooth fairy.'

'I don't like the look of this fish.' 'It had ugly parents.'

Ask me about Naming Rights.

How to avoid a heart attack.

"Doing chores is very stimulating. I'm always thinking of ways to avoid them."

'I fixed the dent in the bumper.'

'Today, dad has cooked and we're well prepared!'

'Time out!... Scooper!!'

Bob's Unexpected Father's Day Gift...