Parenting Pranksters Pillows

Birth of a worrier

'This has been a test of my emergency broadcast systems.'

'Daddy's still up - I can hear him unlocking the firearms cabinet.'

'Daddy! Are you using the number forty clipper?'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

Dad Trophies

'Hey, I think my parents fooled me. This game is called 'Algebra Hero'.'

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

"No! I am your father!" "Noooooo!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

Someone's going to have to tell him he's adopted...

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

Back to the Holidays

'Did you find any clothes?'

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

It is always something whenever Grandmother watches little Louis.

Darling, you should have asked me to put sun tan lotion on your back and not the kids!

"We should get a lot of money from the tooth fairy. I set out grandpa's false teeth!"

Possible Titles For My Upcoming Autobiography

"I don't get it, Susan... I've been an obstetrician for 20 years and I've never had a baby named after me!"

'I'm not looking for treasure. I'm trying to find where I buried Dad.'

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

Children in a Nursery.

'I am unable to find the words to respond to that.'

'You did that on purpose!'

'No problem Mr. Billings, just drop your shorts and let me take a sniff around there.'

"I'm ready to play Hide and go Seek."

'Last year my kids put a sign on my back, but tomorrow, on April Fools Day, I'll be ready, they won't get me again.'