Parent-to-be Pranksters Pillows

Warning: No over-taking in birth canal.

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'Hey, I think my parents fooled me. This game is called 'Algebra Hero'.'

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

Wait – is that your dad? Tunnel of Love.

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

ABC Diapers. Comfy Tushy Diapers. Now 3 times more absorbent! Note to self: Drink 4 times more juice.

Someone's going to have to tell him he's adopted...

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

Back to the Holidays

Darling, you should have asked me to put sun tan lotion on your back and not the kids!

"We should get a lot of money from the tooth fairy. I set out grandpa's false teeth!"

The Andrews brothers had an ongoing competition of seeing who could donate a pint of blood the fastest.

'I am unable to find the words to respond to that.'

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

"I'm ready to play Hide and go Seek."

'You did that on purpose!'

'No problem Mr. Billings, just drop your shorts and let me take a sniff around there.'

'Daddy! Are you using the number forty clipper?'

Children in a Nursery.

Remember, when we show mommy, we pretend this was your idea, ok?

'Last year my kids put a sign on my back, but tomorrow, on April Fools Day, I'll be ready, they won't get me again.'

Yes, we have a 'Happy Meal'. It's when you leave the kids home.

Ask me about Naming Rights.

"Shouldn't hide treats in your back pocket with a dog that big."

How to avoid a heart attack.

I love this age: Old enough to know better, young enough to get away with it. Ketchup.