Expectant Parent Prankster Pillows

"...And this is my birth partner."

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'Hey, I think my parents fooled me. This game is called 'Algebra Hero'.'

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

"No! I am your father!" "Noooooo!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

Wait – is that your dad? Tunnel of Love.

Kid about scratched up car to dad: 'I made a mistake washing the car with a brillo pad.'

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

It is always something whenever Grandmother watches little Louis.

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

Darling, you should have asked me to put sun tan lotion on your back and not the kids!

'Okay...now watch what happens when I extend my claws.'

'Daddy! Are you using the number forty clipper?'

"We should get a lot of money from the tooth fairy. I set out grandpa's false teeth!"

'I'm not looking for treasure. I'm trying to find where I buried Dad.'

'You did that on purpose!'

'Last year my kids put a sign on my back, but tomorrow, on April Fools Day, I'll be ready, they won't get me again.'

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

'If you find any loose ones, I have dibs on them for the tooth fairy.'

Yes, we have a 'Happy Meal'. It's when you leave the kids home.

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

'Today, dad has cooked and we're well prepared!'

Ask me about Naming Rights.

'I fixed the dent in the bumper.'

"Doing chores is very stimulating. I'm always thinking of ways to avoid them."

How to avoid a heart attack.

'Time out!... Scooper!!'

'Mind giving him his bath now- he'll be asleep when we get home!'

'Dad! What time is it when the big hand is on eight and the little hand is all over the floor?'

"Getting older at least gives me more time to get my own back on you!"