Parenthood Prankster Pillows

'There! Did you feel him kick?'

"Uh, don't you think you're taking this bay-talk a little too far?"

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"No! I am your father!" "Noooooo!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

'She said her first words today.'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

'Looks like someone got their bags mixed up at daycare drop-off.'

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

It is always something whenever Grandmother watches little Louis.

Darling, you should have asked me to put sun tan lotion on your back and not the kids!

"I've just performed a tonsillectomy on Daddy while he was asleep."

'Okay...now watch what happens when I extend my claws.'

'You did that on purpose!'

'Daddy! Are you using the number forty clipper?'

"We should get a lot of money from the tooth fairy. I set out grandpa's false teeth!"

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

"Your baby is fine, but we're keeping her overnight as a precaution. Here's a loaner."

'I'm not looking for treasure. I'm trying to find where I buried Dad.'

'Dad, make a noise like a dinosaur!'

'Last year my kids put a sign on my back, but tomorrow, on April Fools Day, I'll be ready, they won't get me again.'

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

Yes, we have a 'Happy Meal'. It's when you leave the kids home.

'If you find any loose ones, I have dibs on them for the tooth fairy.'

'I fixed the dent in the bumper.'

Ask me about Naming Rights.

'Today, dad has cooked and we're well prepared!'

How to avoid a heart attack.

"Doing chores is very stimulating. I'm always thinking of ways to avoid them."