Parenthood Punster Pillows

Babies can't open these safety caps...but then, neither can I!

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Low-Energy Drinks

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Dogs life

Baby Screen Time

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

Growth Charts

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"We have the exact same taste."

Comicron

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

Vaccinating Death

"I noticed that since I've been working at home you've been paying me hazard pay. How did you know?"

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'

Young Gums

Sisyphus during Covid

A postwoman delivers mail together with her baby who is riding in the letter carrier.

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

"Back when we got him, Rufus was a child substitute. Now he's just a dog."