Pregnancy Punster Pillows

Tapeworm befriends umbilical cord,

"What a coincidence. My mum is going to be a single mum and I'm going to be a single baby!"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Sweep the board.

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Dogs life

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Maternity Ward

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

Kamikaze Colour

"I have such strong feelers for you."