Parenting Punster Gifts

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

"Yes, that's correct Mr. Brown. Your son was punished for something he didn't do... His homework."

'I don't like the look of this fish.' 'It had ugly parents.'

"No supper for him, Sonia. When little boys petrol bomb the neighbours car they must be punished.

Baby fish.

"Don't look now, but here comes the bungee umbilical cord again."

A maternity ward throughout the year and at Christmas.

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

"He has extremely advanced motor skills."

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

'Its a dogwood tree. I can tell by its bark.'

Psychologist Birthdays

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

Hamlet.

'Daddy! Are you using the number forty clipper?'

'I think therefore I ham.'

Claude