Pun-loving Parent Pillows

'I think you should know I'm listening to offers from other families.'

'Owr inglish teecher is rubish!!'

'My son's doing work experience and he helps me with the small print.'

'Hey, don't do that! Don't you know they send cribbers to the fox farm?'

The ol' swine flu gag.

Do it yourself books.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

"He has extremely advanced motor skills."

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

Caesar slips on ice. Bystander says 'He was warned-beware the ice of March'

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

Mobile Phone Mobile.

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

Our Yuppie Dad

'We just have to stop meeting like this!'

'A grass box for the children is a wonderful idea.'

"It's the kids! Quick! Stash the cigs!"

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

"No. I have the baby."

'Mummy-do you believe in cod?'

Cat punishement.

"Were the 'Trolls' internet trolls?"