Pun-loving Friend Pillows

"The only person who is going to be able to make any sense of this trial is the sketch artist."

Do it yourself books.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

"Think about the honey."

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

'And in conclusion...'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

Weather forecast

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

'I use that to check for combovers.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

'Yes, I'm settling out of court.'

Cat punishement.

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

'At least it's a dry heat'

I've got a gun.

"I suck!"

'I was hurt in a boating accident. I tripped over a rack of oars at a sporting goods store.'

"Avast - it's Mobius Dick, the one-sided whale."

Travel Agents

'You can ruin the present worrying about how the past will affect the future.'

Crime A-L

"Yep, that's a new sign: I've just finished my law-degree..."

'You want to see a lawyer? No problem — he's a lawyer.'

Bank manager standing in front of safe has combination written on his hand

'If you commit a crime when you're slow as molasses & leave a trail of slime you're going to do some time.'

Hamster Cello tape.