Pun-loving Friend Pillows

"The only person who is going to be able to make any sense of this trial is the sketch artist."

Do it yourself books.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

"Think about the honey."

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

'And in conclusion...'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

Weather forecast

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'I use that to check for combovers.'

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

'Yes, I'm settling out of court.'

Cat punishement.

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

I was bitten by a radioactive bedbug – My superpower is getting a solid eight hours of sleep every night. Wow. So lucky.

'At least it's a dry heat'

I've got a gun.

"Avast - it's Mobius Dick, the one-sided whale."

Travel Agents

"I suck!"

'I was hurt in a boating accident. I tripped over a rack of oars at a sporting goods store.'

'You can ruin the present worrying about how the past will affect the future.'

Ship Modelers in Damnation

Crime A-L

"Yep, that's a new sign: I've just finished my law-degree..."

'You want to see a lawyer? No problem — he's a lawyer.'

Bank manager standing in front of safe has combination written on his hand

Tiger out of Woods

'Do you think he'll win the second race?' - 'Yes, because he's running in the first race.'