Pun-loving Linguist Pillows

'Property: We do flats' 'tyres: We do flats'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Do it yourself books.

Dog in casino.

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"I think I've eaten something that hasn't agreed with me."

Heart To Heart

Artichoking victim

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

'You give me goose bumps!'

The static electric eel is very rare.

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

The Big Cheese

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'Alphabet soup? -- oh, an intellectual, eh?'

Pavement artist.

"Valentine's Day has been good to me, but I had to diversify."