Pun-loving Linguist Pillows

'Property: We do flats' 'tyres: We do flats'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Do it yourself books.

Dog in casino.

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

Artichoking victim

Heart To Heart

"I think I've eaten something that hasn't agreed with me."

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

The static electric eel is very rare.

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'You give me goose bumps!'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

The Big Cheese

'Alphabet soup? -- oh, an intellectual, eh?'

Pavement artist.

I'm starting to think you keep working on that thing just to avoid talking to me.