Pun-loving Philosopher Pillows

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

'Do you think he'll win the second race?' - 'Yes, because he's running in the first race.'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Do it yourself books.

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"Think about the honey."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'Is there a God? God knows...'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

'I can't help you, it seems you really are npsycuts!'

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'Now, as many of you know, I was the Monkey's uncle...'

'You give me goose bumps!'

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

The static electric eel is very rare.

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

Pavement artist.

"Wait a minute! - First you say, 'Lay up treasures in Heaven,' and then you say, 'You can't take it with you'!"