Fanatic Of Puns Pillows

'I use that to check for combovers.'

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

"Think about the honey."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

'And in conclusion...'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Literate Dogs.

Hotness

"This must be for charging bigger vehicles."

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

'What do you mean I used to be cute?'

Hell's Schlegel

It's not a stampede … It's a flash mob!

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

Larry's Literary Market.

'You give me goose bumps!'

The static electric eel is very rare.